I remember my old wheelchair and how safe, stable and comfortable it felt. I feel like I'm craving a therapeutic connection with one to help rebalance myself.
My soul / Higher Self has been pinging me for a month now about this. I was window shopping wheelchairs for a reason.
Yes, I'm ambulatory, but.
Not using a wheelchair “for fun”. There are genuine health reasons like fatigue and being easily drained, and mental reasons.
When I say mental, I say that I am using one as a therapeutic tool for my autistic tendencies and fatigue making constant full use of my body really uncomfortable, and after years of horrible stress, depression and trauma degrading my health, I need rest. I don’t feel comfortable walking all the time anymore.
I find myself unable to fulfill a fully able-bodied, pseudo-normal lifestyle anymore. Even if I walk a lot, something feels.. not right.
- No, it's not a fetish.
- No, it's not part of my identity.
- No, I am not transabled.
- No, I don't have Munchausen's or BIID.
- No, it's not self-disempowerment, pity-seeking or victimhood.
- No, I'm not deliberately avoiding something or handicapping myself.
However, I feel like
at the age of 23 in my physical expression, using my entire body all
the time is not good for my mental health and autistic tendencies. I
have to take the bus all the time. Walk miles and miles. It’s
draining. Especially for fatigue, and when I’m at school I just can
barely keep up.
- Yes, I'm aware there are people who need one more than I do. But think in terms of Abundance, not Scarcity. There's one out there for you if you need one, that is best fitted to your needs.
- Yes, you just saw me get up and walk, jump, run, or ride a bicycle. I'm ambulatory.
- Yes, I am aware of the limitations of using one.
- Yes, I have a history of neuropsychological conditions. All diagnosed.
My brain just works in weird ways. So of course my statement is going to seem odd.
I am clearly not on the same frequency as many others and my body needs rest after years and years of horrible anxiety, trauma and depression.
- My soul, body and mind are TIRED as fuck. It's all interconnected.
- Recentering/therapeutic assistance tool.
- Preserving my stamina and energy for the day. I find myself often sleeping and being limited in how much I can accomplish in my day if always use my full body.
- I thought I was "cured" from everything. But what I repress always ends up resurfacing in different ways.
