Health Update

I remember my old wheelchair and how safe, stable and comfortable it felt. I feel like I'm craving a therapeutic connection with one to help rebalance myself.

My soul / Higher Self has been pinging me for a month now about this. I was window shopping wheelchairs for a reason.

Yes, I'm ambulatory, but.

Not using a wheelchair “for fun”. There are genuine health reasons like fatigue and being easily drained, and mental reasons.

When I say mental, I say that I am using one as a therapeutic tool for my autistic tendencies and fatigue making constant full use of my body really uncomfortable, and after years of horrible stress, depression and trauma degrading my health, I need rest. I don’t feel comfortable walking all the time anymore.

I find myself unable to fulfill a fully able-bodied, pseudo-normal lifestyle anymore. Even if I walk a lot, something feels.. not right.

• No, it's not a fetish.
• No, it's not part of my identity.
• No, I am not transabled.
• No, I don't have Munchausen's or BIID.
• No, it's not self-disempowerment, pity-seeking or victimhood.
• No, I'm not deliberately avoiding something or handicapping myself.

However, I feel like at the age of 23 in my physical expression, using my entire body all the time is not good for my mental health and autistic tendencies. I have to take the bus all the time. Walk miles and miles. It’s draining. Especially for fatigue, and when I’m at school I just can barely keep up.

• Yes, I'm aware there are people who need one more than I do. But think in terms of Abundance, not Scarcity. There's one out there for you if you need one, that is best fitted to your needs.
• Yes, you just saw me get up and walk, jump, run, or ride a bicycle. I'm ambulatory.
• Yes, I am aware of the limitations of using one.
• Yes, I have a history of neuropsychological conditions. All diagnosed.

My brain just works in weird ways. So of course my statement is going to seem odd.

I am clearly not on the same frequency as many others and my body needs rest after years and years of horrible anxiety, trauma and depression.

Here are the reasons I will use a wheelchair part-time again, if anyone asks:

• My soul, body and mind are TIRED as fuck. It's all interconnected.
• Recentering/therapeutic assistance tool.
• Preserving my stamina and energy for the day. I find myself often sleeping and being limited in how much I can accomplish in my day if always use my full body.
• I thought I was "cured" from everything. But what I repress always ends up resurfacing in different ways.

My group home and psychiatrist cannot yet know about this decision. They might shun me or disapprove. So I'm only going to consult my GP for this for now. He already gave me prescriptions for a wheelchair, twice in 2024.