How "FND" affects me (and why I now think it will not fully go away unless advanced tech fixes it)

Today I had a flare up just going to the light rail metro. Here's what caused it:

• I got off at the wrong bus stop and had to walk like 15-20 minutes all the way to the station, and my "stress" freeze response went almost skyrocketing as usual
• Having to wait multiple times at large intersections (that's frequently triggering to me)
• A sort of downwards slope next to a sidewalk that led to an underground thing, so I had to find an alternate path because it was too triggering
• The "tunnel effect" of the entrance to the metro station
• Having to go up to an elevated enclosed corridor platform up in the air that had big windows (heights)
• Having to go up and down tall staircases that just seem like they're... floatingly there
• 
  

• 

  Tunnel effect in a station's wing

  
  

  

  Elevated platform

  
  
  

And afterwards I got deeply exhausted on the way back.

I often forget that my body has limits to how much it can handle in these situations and transporting myself with no assistive things can be risky because I can lose control. I almost stopped being able to go there. In the past, I relied on mobility aids to prevent flare ups like that because otherwise I wasn't able to go anywhere.

It's always the same scenario that happens. When  I go out far like that, there's frequently 'something that occurs' in this context. So I can't be "fully able-bodied 24/7 all the time no matter what I do". My triggers remain the same since 2022.

I tried to recover. Eventually, I was "in remission", but there's residue.

Some people say I'm just agoraphobic and 'avoidant'. Well, that's not entirely accurate. FND affects my sense of perceptual groundedness, safety and anchoring within environmental boundaries. I have remnants of FND now. My form of the condition affects my sensory perceptions and stress responses to sensory triggers. But sometimes I forget it can come back.

I am aware some autistic and disabled people use adaptive strollers/wheelchairs to move around because it's a safety anchor. Like for example if they have regular seizures, or severe sensory issues. I was ambivalent for a while on whether I should get one again. I switched regularly from yes to no, then "maybe". Now, I'm closer to understanding that this is not going to fully leave me. This has nothing to do with my musculoskeletal structure or cardiopulmonary health. I am fully fine in those areas.

I know I said before that it's not totally "FND" but I call it that for simplicity's sake now.

And now you know another reason why I want to finally visit my home in the galaxies.

I think I might want trekking sticks for now.