Spoons

While I am not chronically ill, and only had a chronic illness for 3 years, I am somewhat easily tired. This has always been the case, except I get bursts of hyperactive energy.

My energy timeline is very wonky. Part of why is because I'm a complex plant and need particular conditions to thrive. Even things such as living at the wrong place, can hamper my energy and stamina because of energetic surroundings.

I know I have so many ideas, projects, and my brain rarely shuts off; however, I am prone to easily burning out or quitting continuous labor, mostly repetitive daily tasks or routines -- but mostly when it is ASKED out of me by someone else. Less so when I'm alone, although I once was negligent regardless of circumstance. When that happens, depression sets in, and I can feel like I want my life to end, or to run away. I want freedom and independence -- at this price.

Freedom should not be arduous daily repetitive chores that are forced. It should be fun. You shouldn't have to do chores at the expense of someone else having control on your housing, and being threatened with eviction if you don't do it. "Credit checks", ugh. Sadly because of the cabal's shenanigans, we do not have yet access to technology which could significantly improve our lives. Downsides such as dependency on such technology are present.

Neglect runs in my family. My father is a deadbeat, my mother struggles with depressive episodes, and my sisters are neurodivergent and struggle to clean up after themselves at 18 years old. But also, I think my family is the same. We need peculiar conditions to thrive. Medications can also alter the process in a negative way.

Our society disadvantages disabled and neurodivergent folks. There always has to be a "rationalization" for being tired. No, I don't always have to justify my experiences. They just are.