I Cannot Sustain this Current System Any Longer

A lot of people just take driving, finishing a degree, working, being independent and other things for granted.

The problem is that my microcosmic life has been pillaged repeatedly by life circumstances and the DF. Mental illness, quasi-poverty, coordinated attacks on my life and sovereignty and instability have all delayed what I could have had sooner.

I had to earn even the most basic luxuries, through hard self-work. Like, affording driving courses, for example. Alignments made it happen, I guess.

I just got denied for an IT vocational course. I don't have enough credits.

Honestly, I don't have the intrinsic drive to continue studying to get a GED. I tried many times. Maths at that level are too much of a headache. Everything about GED studies is too energivore. And I don't see myself constantly fixing errors anymore.

I don't have the stamina or health to wake up at 6 AM, every morning and come back at 5 PM. I always end up extremely sleepy when I do that, and even went to the doctor for this cause. All my blood and lab results come back normal.

THIS, is why I'm better off in a different social system, ones ETs may have. I cannot continue in the current conditions. Nope. I can't do it anymore. Maybe get a part time job in a corner store or whatever close to me, and learn to drive, but that's it. It's only to keep income going to save up for my car.

I am indeed planning a Mt Shasta trip in roughly 2027-ish or later. I told myself if I can't meet them where I live, I might as well go see them myself.

My life has shifted gears entirely so this end result happens: I meet the ETs.

I just need my car. That's all. And to remove conservatorship, possibly. Then I can just start a new life.

Extinction Culture

I find that a lot of "collapseniks" are playing a numbers game when it comes to timelines, like Russian roulette. Their intentions sociopolitically may be good, especially if they are just your average civilian, but they do not typically see the whole picture with Ascension. So there is a lot of grieving on that end. People are grieving what used to be, their past illusory sense of global ecological and financial "stability". This fits relatively the mechanism of creating a solution for an engineered problem. 

Manifesting a bad timeline means nothing to those people, aware or not. Some want the world to burn, and there are also pro-extinction (human extinction) groups and movements which I refuse to support. Ascension is the polar opposite of Pro-extinction Ideology. Collapse is not necessarily intertwined or related directly to the pro-extinction culture.

This is why I often think and have said before that obsessing over human extinction worries and beliefs is a bait that makes people manifest descending timelines. So my question is, is there a current dichotomy where you have to either support the Ascension, or believe that humanity should perish away with the excuse of benefitting Mother Nature since "humans" are the ones destroying her work? I don't think she wants us all gone, personally. If you truly subscribe to "everybody dies", then sadly your ideology won't matter once we're all gone because we will all be elsewhere/dead.

If you don't subscribe to the whole Ascension thing but don't want extinction to happen, and still want a better future for humanity, there is such a thing as Solarpunk and similar groups/movements. Which I lurk there and honestly I am starting to be more involved with a "solarpunk" group.

Unification of people at the cost of decentralization of resources.

About my Soulmates

Griffon is a being from an uncertain origin. He is affiliated with Dragons and Fae. He has quite the history. Being a very old soul, he's been through many different situations. He is possibly part-Anunnaki and some of his careers include IT, proofreading and other administrative and techy things, including an interest in vehicles. We met around 2018.

He has a few children, possibly 4 of them that I am aware of. I saw/heard of them twice in dreamspace. Mostly humanoids.

He lives in a strange Earth-like reality, and speaks in an Arabic-like language along with "Frenglish". Everytime I hear him, I'm in a house.

My partner also supposedly had an ex-wife, and his current partner is me.

Lester is a werewolf-like figure who is more in the background of my operations.

How "FND" affects me (and why I now think it will not fully go away unless advanced tech fixes it)

Today I had a flare up just going to the light rail metro. Here's what caused it:

• I got off at the wrong bus stop and had to walk like 15-20 minutes all the way to the station, and my "stress" freeze response went almost skyrocketing as usual
• Having to wait multiple times at large intersections (that's frequently triggering to me)
• A sort of downwards slope next to a sidewalk that led to an underground thing, so I had to find an alternate path because it was too triggering
• The "tunnel effect" of the entrance to the metro station
• Having to go up to an elevated enclosed corridor platform up in the air that had big windows (heights)
• Having to go up and down tall staircases that just seem like they're... floatingly there
• 
  

• 

  Tunnel effect in a station's wing

  
  

  

  Elevated platform

  
  
  

And afterwards I got deeply exhausted on the way back.

I often forget that my body has limits to how much it can handle in these situations and transporting myself with no assistive things can be risky because I can lose control. I almost stopped being able to go there. In the past, I relied on mobility aids to prevent flare ups like that because otherwise I wasn't able to go anywhere.

It's always the same scenario that happens. When  I go out far like that, there's frequently 'something that occurs' in this context. So I can't be "fully able-bodied 24/7 all the time no matter what I do". My triggers remain the same since 2022.

I tried to recover. Eventually, I was "in remission", but there's residue.

Some people say I'm just agoraphobic and 'avoidant'. Well, that's not entirely accurate. FND affects my sense of perceptual groundedness, safety and anchoring within environmental boundaries. I have remnants of FND now. My form of the condition affects my sensory perceptions and stress responses to sensory triggers. But sometimes I forget it can come back.

I am aware some autistic and disabled people use adaptive strollers/wheelchairs to move around because it's a safety anchor. Like for example if they have regular seizures, or severe sensory issues. I was ambivalent for a while on whether I should get one again. I switched regularly from yes to no, then "maybe". Now, I'm closer to understanding that this is not going to fully leave me. This has nothing to do with my musculoskeletal structure or cardiopulmonary health. I am fully fine in those areas.

I know I said before that it's not totally "FND" but I call it that for simplicity's sake now.

And now you know another reason why I want to finally visit my home in the galaxies.

I think I might want trekking sticks for now.

Life updates

Occupational situation

So I have two possible educational paths right now.

Option 1: I tried to find the best vocational center to study administration, in order to work as an Admin Assistant. I ended up finding one that is remote learning and suits me well with the number of hours per week - 15 minimum. Well, the actual diploma is Secretarial Studies - but they do admin assistant training included.

Why would I want to do this?

The answer is simple. I want to help create an organization for starseeds, HSPs, an neurodiverse/disabled people. I will need to develop administrative skills and potentially go for a degree to be self-employed or find employment at first (because sadly, we gotta work through the system to break it!)

There's a new metro called REM that connects South Shore, Montreal and the very bottom point of the Laurentides. 

The branch that connects between Montreal and the Laurentides stations opens next month. I just have to go by bus to the station closest to me and take the REM from there all the way to the last station. It would take roughly 2 hours total to get there.

However, that's probably only going to be for in-person exams and going to sign my documents there when I begin training, so I won't have to go there as much in person. But still, it's very advantageous to have the REM now, so commuting there is easy. I took it a few times to Montreal myself.

Option number two: There is also the possibility of IT training in a vocational center in my area. I haver yet to ask them if they do online remote training. If they do not; I would rather not go there. I tried to do this before. Going to one place 5 days a week back and forth is too exhausting, especially if I wake up early. I can't do it! This is why I prefer remote jobs far more (working from home!). It seems that most IT training in DEP centers is in person. And if they can't offer remote training, 'administration' seems to be my best solution. Not ideal, but good, despite my mother's constant negativism towards my true potential, under the pretext that 'she knows me'.

No, she doesn't. Sorry, mom, I am an ADULT, and you have never known me like I know myself. And I had to find THE center where this will be realistically doable.

We need more accessible education. While waiting for temporary extraction, I want to find meaning in my life.

I prefer admin assistant over IT. However, for what purpose exactly does IT training do with me? That's not really up my avenue. How am I going to help start an organization with just tech support skills?

We also need better transit design in all aspects and variety of transportation modes.

To commute to the vocational center by December, I will only have to take one bus plus the REM. The REM metro is personally soothing, so I can nap in there for an hour and it is universally accessible. So that makes 4 "lines" in total per day I go. Before the opening of the new branch, it would take 4 buses/metros to just go there, so 8 buses in a day. And I don't wanna do that. Who does?

To the Exomilitary Groups

Indifference and fear are perhaps the biggest road-traffic-causer and killer in terms of course of action. If no one wants to make themselves vulnerable and step forward, someone will have to carry the burden of many responsibilities that they cannot split apart with a team until they too decide to partake.

For decades, no one "regular" in the Occident batted an eye at seeing African children starve and die of hunger, or terrorism and religious wars in the Levantine area because of "occidental privilege" causing a lack of emotional committment. But now, for some reason, we now see no less than many yards and hundreds of total square miles of regularly organized "Free Palestine" protesting across several "first world countries". I guess the rumor mill of an organized beheading of groups of human infants did it. "Famine confirmed in Gaza" did it. In my town, someone already hung up a Palestinian flag on their balcony. 5 years ago, no one would have had the committment to support the cause of Levantine peace. Recently, a ceasefire deal was announced.

If we treated our homeless, our poor, our disabled and ill the same way, we'd go many places in transforming our system from the inside out. But sadly Big Brother Media takes much precedence in influencing the top-down approach of stigmatizing and obfuscating information about our more marginalized communities. The people who tend to get the most privileged treatment are pediatric cancer patients and victims of crime and sexual assault. We should have a bottom-up approach of investigating the details and coming to conclusions afterwards. 

All developmentally disabled people et al. get is uneven social services because they don't lay in a hospital bed 24/7. Ironically, cancer is temporary while neurodevelopmental conditons are permanent.

Why do these cancer patients have a privilege of benefitting from Make-A-Wish realizing their dreams, just by verbal request, while those who do not have serious physical diseases and a normal life expectancy, but are homeless or severely disadvantaged, get almost nothing but a shadow, an echo, breadcrumbs of fundamental human rights? Trans rights? Disability rights? Don't blame crime or drugs. You do not even have to be on the streets to get those services or HRT, although it can bar access. And despite relentless advocacy against oppression, social justice politics have only been parodied and twisted to become a pointless joke.

I think the same question can be asked to the esoteric and exomilitary groups who are mandated to serve the cause of the Goddess: universal peace. They may have a different lens on Earth's situation, but in contrast, they tend to be more telepathic and can hear, see and sense what we perceive and feel.

However, the treatment seems to be in priority levels, which I do not approve of. Children from DUMBs were rescued, triggering the war in Gaza. Zero mainstream media coverage on the rescueing, sure. On top of that, "Q" has done severe collateral damage to the whistleblower circles by peddling extreme rumors in a scheduled, esoteric format. Some of them ring true, but the original authors of Q have been exposed. It's like Anonymous 2.0. People love it when a mysterious, faceless person claims to have secret intel. If the non-captive surface population is treated with such breadcrumb-level care, and dropping an anvil of expectations on them at the worst timing possible, causing unevenness of information and action - is considered the "right" approach - then what happens to the children?

What is someone like me - a sociospiritual worker - meant to do, when committed action has a risk of landing in the wrong hands or having diminishing returns? Even more, what happens to us starseeds and Lightworkers? And the "samsara hostages"? That's the question we are all wondering. There should be a term for the added inequalities that the Ascended Master and exomilitary groups take credit for perpetuating into our communities, but I do not know yet what it is.

Fix your logistics, yo. Because we are depleted and can't do the full job you have. You have one job.

I'm so done.

Please watch this video.